No I'm not waving off some tradesmen who've been working at our house. I'm talking about the other type of plumbers. You know, the rather inelegant phrase that refers to the part of your derriere that has a mind of its own and will not be contained by your jeans? Ok I'll just say it, your ahem, your butt crack. Proper name; your intergluteal cleft. Well, my 'plumbers', or 'intergluteal cleft' as the case may be, causes me a fashion nightmare. Let me explain.
I was loading our dishwasher yesterday when the following conversation occurred between myself and fiance:
Fiance (shovel in hand): 'Nic, maybe you should stop wearing jeans and just wear dresses from now on.'
Nic (looking perplexed): 'Excuse me? Whatever do you mean?'
Fiance (starting to dig): 'Well it's just that whenever you wear jeans your plumbers is on show.'
Nic: death stare and silence
Fiance (digging deeper): 'I'm just being kind you know.'
Nic: So frosty, hell has frozen over
Fiance (standing in a hole the size of Mount Vesuvius): 'Ahh, just a suggestion.'
20 minutes of silence over dinner later, and I had to admit to myself he had a point. Since low waisted jeans have become all the rage, I can't contain my 'plumbers', and sitting and bending down have become an impossibility (not that I can imagine ever going back to high waisted jeans, what a bunch of harry highpants we all must have been in the 80's and 90's!). Even when I've been a size 12 (US size 10), and wearing a belt, I've still had the plumbers problem, meaning I've either got a long torso or an in proportionally large butt (I'm guessing the latter!). This puts me in a predicament if I want to continue wearing jeans; low waisted and plumbers on display, or high waisted and no mates harry highpants! Add to that the fact I'll be 40 next year (don't worry, there'll be plenty of sad and sorry posts as that date draws closer!), and maybe it's time to overhaul my wardrobe (anyone got Trinny and Susannah's phone number?). It's a hard fact for me to swallow. Me, the perpetual rock/grunge chick with a staple wardrobe of jeans, rock t-shirt (picture 'glittery Rolling Stones lips') and boots or white sneakers might just have to grow up. The thing is, now that we're a SIF (single income family), I can't exactly afford a wardrobe overhaul. So I'm choosing the low waisted option and the plumbers will be visiting for a while to come (apologies in advance to anyone who may happen to be standing in the wrong spot when I walk by!). In the mean time I think I might start a support group called the ICBS (Intergluteal Cleft Benevolence Society). New members welcome.